I won't do this for every round (and maybe I'm setting this precedent too early), but I'm having a hard time picking the winner here on my own.
option 1: THE ALMIGHTY FORCE
I am the almighty FORCE of a beer-gutted man's fist, crumpling a Gatorade bottle on his obnoxiously over-sized, synophrys-suffering forehead. What a bum!
option 2: THE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS
I am the environmental regulations that outlawed the Gatorade bottle before the scourge of creation could even be produced.
option 3: THE PEPSI CORP MARKETING EXEC
I am the Pepsi Corp marketing Exec., concerned about bad PR, who, along with my lawyer sidekick, "The Chiseler," secretly destroys the Gatorade bottle and replaces it with a fingerprint-free "sample" from our "competitor."
ON THE SIDEBAR